I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
