Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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