Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize