5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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