Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
