shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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