I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
