he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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