I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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