Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
