Duck Duck Cougar?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
