Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I wear drunk well.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
