you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
