I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
nutella sex= disaster
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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