if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Buhtt sex?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
