there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
