if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Less talking, more tequila
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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