I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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