Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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