i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
