biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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