birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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