Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
