and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Mom said you looked used
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
