yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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