Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
