There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he was CRYING into my vagina
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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