Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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