too bad you live with your parents still
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
