Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
