the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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