things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I will be naked everywhere
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
