Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
