Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
