Your mouth is God's brothel.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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