He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
