...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Randomize
