i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
