All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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