Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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