You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
