Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize