matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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