i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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