I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
