Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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