At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
smell my finger.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize