and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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