It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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