He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
