Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
