The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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