I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
