So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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