Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You need a sexual gate keeper
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
