Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I wish i was in the wii world.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
MIDGETS
????
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize