Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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