I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
