On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize