So drunk its hurt
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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