I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
