Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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