one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
