please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
