this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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