I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
