umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
