eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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