a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
North Korea, Best Korea!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
