But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
