bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
