The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
