Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
