I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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