I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
