mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
