Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
