Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
