you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
