My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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