Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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