someone owes me an orgasm
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
