sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
