ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
