Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
