u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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